The Madness of a Fan
by Cokey Da Coke
Summary: The story of one Mad Fan of Jhonen Vasquez, and the intrepid group of friends who save him from a fate worse than death... (Please R&R) Complete!
1. Mr Vasquez, can you hear me?

OK. Basically, the idea for this came to me when my friend Louise suggested that she lead us to a comic book convention to see Jhonen Vasquez. She also decided that she wanted to kidnap him. I'm the Alex in the story. Louise, Nicky, Holly, Jon, and Jhonen Vasquez are all real but:

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Jhonen Vasquez. I'm playing with him.

Please review it, if you can be bothered!

* * *

"Mr Vasquez? Mr Vasquez, can you hear me?" Alex gently touched the shoulder of the man tied up on the floor, and shook him a little. "Jon, I think he's coming round."

"We've only got twenty minutes." Jon checked the clock on the wall, watching as the girl removed the gag from the comic-book-artist's mouth when he began to struggle.

"I know. Can you get these chains?" She turned her attention again to Jhonen. "Open your eyes, Mr Vasquez."

"Huh?" The man blinked several times, flexing his fingers as Jon worked on removing his chains. "What happened?"

"Do you remember anything?"

"Uhh…I was at that convention thing…and then that girl! Oh my God, where is she?"

"It's OK. Louise can't get you right now. At the risk of sounding cheesy: we're breaking you out, Mr Vasquez."

Jhonen Vasquez felt the chains around his body loosen, and finally he could move – though weeks of sitting down meant he was so stiff he could barely lift his arms. "What's happening?"

"We'll get you out of here." Alex looked up at Jon. "How long?"

"Fifteen minutes. Long enough to get him out of here and into the car…"

"Hey!" The man on the floor frowned up at the blurry faces. "What happened?"

* * *

"Louise, if we don't get a move on we'll be there four hours late!"

Louise rolled her eyes, put the very last touches onto her make-up, and emerged from the bathroom. "We'd better not get lost!"

"Hey!" Alex smiled smugly. "We have my map-reading skills, and Nicky's ability to talk to people! The only thing that'll hold us back is Holly, but she'll be OK if we carry her or something."

"Carry me?" Holly pulled on her coat. "Why?"

"'Cause you're so slow." Nicky grabbed the key to the room from the table and the four girls set out on their little journey, Alex holding the map book very firmly before her, Louise striding ahead, Nicky walking beside Alex, and Holly – as predicted – walking slower than them all.

Pushing dyed black hair out of her eyes, Louise looked eagerly at the building ahead of them. "Are we here?"

"Yep!" Alex and Nicky chorused, Nicky pulling the walkman-headphones out of Holly's ears.

"Hol, we're here."

"Good! But don't touch my hair!" Holly yelled, both unaware that Louise had run off into the building – pursued by a rather harassed-looking Alex.

* * *

"Wow…" Louise gazed around her, eyes wide – and fixing almost immediately on the display dedicated to Jhonen Vasquez. Her three friends were of the opinion that she had an unhealthy obsession with the man, but to her it was perfectly logical – after all, he was wonderful!

Alex, short of breath, arrived behind her. "You could have waited when I was shouting at you!"

"Look…" All Louise could do was point reverently to her hero/Lust Object. "That's him!"

Her friend cocked her head on one side, frowning. "He's a bit…skinny…isn't he?" She put up her hands in a placatory manner when Louise rounded on her. "But very hot, of course!"

"Good." The greebo/goth/chav-hater shot her a menacing look, before her eyes were once again drawn back to Johnen Vasquez. "I'm glad you agree…"

"Oh yeah. He's….lovely." Alex turned to Nicky and Holly, shaking her head; her voice was an undertone. "You know she said she'd stalk him?"

"Yeah?" Holly said, her interest piqued (it takes a LOT to spark Holly's curiosity, believe me).

"Well…just look!"

Louise had moved slowly over to where the Man Himself sat. Merely standing there, she just looked at him – her voice a low, quiet mumble of "Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen…"

"Good thing we didn't bring Jon here! He'd go ballistic!" Nicky chuckled.

The other two grinned. "Yep!" Holly watched with barely concealed amusement. "Can't help feeling sorry for Jhonen Vasquez, though…"

"Poor guy!" Alex sighed. "Should we rescue him?"

Indeed, Jhonen was looking very much as if he wanted to be rescued. Having a girl stare at you for a long period of time, muttering your name softly to herself, is not the most reassuring of experiences.

"But that would spoil the fun!" Holly grinned. "Let's wait for a while, and see if she looses interest…


	2. Jhonen trance

**InvaderChief**, thanks for reviewing! Louise says she's glad you like her. She saw your review, you see. OK, here we are! One more chapter!

**Disclaimer:** Same as the last chapter!

* * *

But four hours came and went, and still Louise showed no sign of moving from her position. Every hour one of the girls would take "Louise watch", to make sure she didn't try anything. Eventually they had to do something…

"Louise? Louise? You alive in there?" Alex tapped her friend lightly on the shoulder, shaking her head and looking over to where Jhonen Vasquez was sitting. "I'm _really_ sorry about her, Mr Vasquez. She…she's a little strange."

"Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen."

"Okay, maybe a **lot** strange."

"Is there any way of moving her?"

"I doubt it." Alex passed her hand in front of Louise's eyes. No response – not even a flicker. "She's too far gone for any help to be of use. Seriously, you should have seen her when she saw this huge picture of Johnny the Homicidal Maniac. She was in front of _that_ for one hour straight."

The man didn't look as if he knew quite what to say. Alex gave him a reassuring look.

"It's alright, Mr Vasquez. She'll be alright in a while. When you know Louise, you learn to not be shocked by anything any more. Louise…" She looked at her friend once more. "…You can come and see the Zim toys, if you want. They have a collectable GIR…"

"Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen Jhonen." Was the only response she received.

* * *

"Lou, c'mon. It'll be closing soon!" Holly pulled on her friend's arm in a vain attempt to make her move. "And you're freaking him out!"

They had been at the comic convention for six hours now, and it was becoming increasingly hard for Nicky, Alex and Holly to actually make Louise respond – not that it had ever been easy in the first place. Jhonen Vasquez had resorted to treating her as part of the furniture, even doing his best to ignore her incessant repeating of his name.

"Nicky? Alex? A little help here?"

The three grabbed Louise, pulling her hard to try and make her leave the poor man alone. But to no avail. She wasn't going to move. Even when the staff began to pack up the merchandise, she didn't move. But she did stir when her idol began to move from his chair. Her eyes followed him in a distinctly predatory way.

"Uhh…Alex? Holly? Nicky? Is it OK for me to move?" In the six hours, Jhonen had come to know the girls by name. "Will she pounce?"

"I don't know…" Alex looked into her friend's eyes. "Her pupils are dilated. Looks like she's in some kind of Jhonen-trance. Maybe if you move very slowly, she won't notice you?"

"Worth a try…" The man slowly rose to his feet, taking a step away – heartened somewhat by the lack of movement from Louise – though her muttering did become louder.

"Make a run for it, Mr Vasquez!" The three sane(ish) girls cried, but they were too late. In a flash of movement so fast it was almost a blur, Louise successfully knocked out Alex and Holly, and left Nicky nursing a rapidly-swelling black eye. A large cotton wool pad appeared in the manic girl's hand, and it was rapidly pressed against Jhonen Vasquez's nose and mouth. His eyes rolled up into his head and he was plunged into oblivion…

* * *

"Can I have one?" Alex looked hopefully over at the packet of chocolate-covered-raisins that Louise held protectively in her hands, offering a winning smile when her friend glared at her. But the girl did eventually tilt the packet towards her book-toting-companion, who promptly grabbed a handful.

The four were on the plane home, having spent the last twenty-four hors not talking to each other – or, more accurately, not talking to Louise. They were finally on the aircraft, after a one-hour delay due to a Communist strike in the airport. But the extra time had allowed them to decide who sat next to who, and also gave Nicky the chance to buy an enormous bag of lollipops, which she was now keeping closely guarded from Holly.

Louise smiled. "Hey – did I ever apologise for hitting you like that?"

"No, not really." Alex touched the bruise on her head. "If you'll remember, none of us has spoken to you since yesterday. I'm only sitting next to you now on this plane because I drew the short straw."

The girl laughed. "Well – I am. I don't know what got into me."

"Jhonen Vasquez, if you had your way."

"Alex! I didn't know you had such a dirty mind!"

"You have no idea." Alex smiled wryly. "So…what happened in the three hours we were unconscious?"

"I kind of pounced on Jhonen…and then when I lost interest I walked off and took you lot back to the hotel in a taxi."

Louise, however, neglected to mention the strange new addition to her luggage…


	3. What are you doing in there?

Another chapter….

* * *

"Hey Jon!" Louise greeted her boyfriend with a warm hug, putting down her several bags and letting him pull her closer.

"It's great to have you back!" He said eventually. "But I still don't see why you didn't let me go with you…"

"You wouldn't have enjoyed it. The others got really bored – you'd have been killing yourself."

"I suppose not…" The young man glanced at the clock, wincing. "Hey babes, I have to get home. See you later?"

"Sure!" Louise grabbed her suitcases again, and pretty much bounced up the stairs of her house to her room.

The entire chamber was a shrine to Johnny the Homicidal Maniac. One wall was painted with various blood-encrusted torture devices, one was a huge block of varying shades of red (looking uncannily like blood to the naked eye) and the other contained a huge larger-than-life-sized mural of Nny himself, which Louise regularly worshiped. She had painted it all herself, since nobody else would actually enter it – Alex refused to on the grounds that it freaked her out, Holly because the wall of blood made her feel ill, and Jon because he thought it was unhealthy for Louise to have a picture of another, fictional, man on the wall.

He wasn't far wrong.

Even the harmless gophers painted there were strange and twisted – since Louise had discovered that Nailbunny upset her own rabbit, she had been forced to change the five pictures into those of gophers. Nailgophers.

Louise lay one of her suitcases, the largest, down on the floor. In one movement she had opened it, and she looked down gloatingly at her prize: the unconscious body of Jhonen Vasquez. It was easy for her to chain him to the bed (she had the chains all ready), and soon he was slumped on the floor behind her, completely unaware of her in his chloroform-induced state.

* * *

"Sammy was a chemist. Sammy is no more. For what he thought was H2O was H2SO4." Alex chanted idly, occupying herself with drawing a red nose on the picture of the mole in her chemistry book.

"H2SO4? What's that?"

"Sulphuric acid, I think…"

Louise shook her head. "You're strange."

"Not as strange as you! Remember…"

"I thought we agreed not to mention that?"

"True, true…hey, can I come over tonight? I brought chocolate for making brownies!"

The goth looked slightly shifty. "Umm…OK. But I'm painting my room, so no coming up there."

"Would I anyway?" Alex shuddered dramatically. "Just as long as I never have to see that Wall of Blood again…."

* * *

"You've got brownie mix all over your trousers."

"Thanks, Alex. Thanks a lot."

"Hey! It wasn't me who put it there! I'm not the one who spilt it all…"

Jon sighed, and pulled a ream of paper towel off the roll. "I suppose so. Where did Louise get to?"

"Back in the kitchen."

They were in the living room at the Kitchen house, Jon standing up and ministering to his chocolate-covered clothes, and Alex cross-legged on the sofa. The girl looked irritably over to the kitchen door, where she could hear rustling. "What's she doing in there?"

As if on cue, Louise appeared – holding a bag. "OK guys, time for you to go!"

"What?" Alex and Jon stared at her.

"I have things to do." And with that she turned and walked up the stairs, leaving a very confused pair of people looking after her.

"Has she ever done that before?"

"No…" Jon shook his head. "…Weird."

"Do you think it could have something to do with all those bottles of chloroform, and all those IV drips in the kitchen?"

"I'm sure there's a logical explanation for them."

"Like what?"

Jon paused. "Alright, I don't know. Let's go and see."

They crept up the stairs, quietly so as not to make too much noise. Putting her ear to the door, Alex motioned for Jon to stay where he was. "I can hear…groaning…and very, very dodgy sounds…"

"Like what?"

"I'd rather not say. Louise!" She yelled. "What are you _doing_ in there?"

"Jhonen Vasquez!" Came the cheerful reply.

"Oh my GOD!" Jon looked as if he might faint. "Did she just say that?"

Alex looked faintly ill. "Yes. It explains the noises…"

* * *

"Oh God, poor guy…"

"I'll kill him."

"Locked up like that…"

"He will be very, very dead."

"She must have kidnapped him at the comic convention…"

"Dead…very dead…lots of pain…violating my girlfriend…"

Jon and Alex turned to look at each other.

"We have to get him out of there."


	4. Brownie mix

Last one! I love you people who reviewed – thanks so much!

* * *

"So Mr Vasquez, how much do you remember?"

Alex looked over at the man in the back of the car as they drove him to the hospital. Jhonen sighed.

"Uh…she pounced on me, and then…took me up there."

"Do you remember anything else?" Jon asked.

"No."

"Good. You don't want to." Alex smiled wickedly. "It didn't sound very pleasant – for you, at least."

Jon scowled. "Don't remind me. You…" He pulled over and turned to face the other man. "You're lucky I don't kill you right now…"

"Jon, he didn't exactly have a choice…" Alex shot him a warning look, and glanced back at Jhonen Vasquez. "Please, Mr Vasquez, we didn't know she had you until yesterday."

"Why's he so annoyed?"

"Jon is Louise's boyfriend. Get driving, Jon. Anyway, he doesn't like the idea of you being in her room…"

"But…"

"I know, she kidnapped you. But the thing about Lou, is that she is clinically insane. She gets obsessed very easily. And we thought she was just joking when she said she would try and take you home…"

"Wait a minute – she _told you_ she would try and kidnap me? And you did nothing?"

"We didn't know she really would! It was just a joke…" Alex sighed. "Is there any way we can convince you not to press charges?"

* * *

Louise was sat on the floor, playing absently with a random torture device. Jon was sitting, wrapped in a towel, waiting for his stained trousers to come out of the washing machine. Alex was sitting on an armchair, reading a book in an effort to keep her eyes well away from Jon.

"Well, this has all turned out well."

Alex didn't look up from her book when she replied to Jon's airy statement. "Apart from the fact that Jhonen Vasquez has to undergo serious counselling, yes. Louise, you are _so_ lucky he didn't press assault charges."

"I know. I'm surprised our batch of brownies was enough to keep him happy, though." Louise said speculatively.

Alex smiled. "So no more kidnapping?"

"No more kidnapping."

There was a five-minute silence. "Alex…."

"Yes?"

"Want to come with me to the next Green Day concert? I have tickets, and I'm pretty sure I can get backstage…"

* * *

**THE END!**

What do you think, guys? Is a sequel in the offing?


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